


If I Lose Myself Tonight

by Benedicthiddleston



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, anguish, song inspiration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benedicthiddleston/pseuds/Benedicthiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A reflection of another time and another life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Lose Myself Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "If I Lose Myself" by OneRepublic on their 'Native' album. 
> 
> Unbeta'd, proofread once.

_I CAN’T LOSE YOU._

_But you aren’t – not really._

It should have been that way, really. That’s how it should have gone. How Spock should have lost Kirk – holding onto him, grappling for a lifeline that was wearing thin. Saying good-bye and never letting go. It would have allowed them their peace and final moment of all infinite moments that would have been picture perfect in Spock’s mind the second he consequently lost that precious link connecting him to his soul mate.

But that’s now how it went. It had been something different, something that separated them by light years.

It could never be that easy for the pair of lovers, nor that fulfilling. They did not have such luck, even if that is exactly where Spock had learned about luck – from a wonderful, wonderful _human_.

He’d lost a great man, a great Captain, and a great lover that day. _A hero_. _T’hy’la_. Perhaps it had been destiny that the news had reached him before even Scotty or Chekov could contact him.

That had been in another reality. Another time all together.

Now the sun still burned in this reality where Vulcan was gone and New Vulcan was but a dying right for the Vulcan species. No matter what Spock did, he was losing an already lost battle. With himself first and foremost.

That was before his younger counterpart told him of this universe’s Kirk and his heroics. Before that memory of loss and love became too clear and too painful to think about. Spock had to watch as he saw life, love, and loss intertwine almost exactly as it did for him. In every timeline, their story was sad. One of them would die. Resurrect. Live a life of ignorance. And then they would find the other again and spill everything – their anguish, their love, their joy over the other.

And then it would be stolen from them. One way or another - taken from them like everything else.

Spock felt himself slipping away from the world before he could even tell another soul. His mind was fragile, his heart broken. He had gone years without his Kirk. And now he could not bear to see another Spock without their Kirk.

Such as it was, their luck intertwined and familiar faces were beside him even as he felt himself falling far, far away.

He wouldn’t die alone. He wouldn’t lose himself in this place alone.

He’d have his friends, his family – of another time – by his side. And that’s what mattered.

_I can’t lose you._

_But you aren’t – not really._

_T’hy’la, I am coming._

_I am here._


End file.
